


A Lack of Knowledge is a Wonderful Thing

by Sermocinare



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alien Biology, Bickering, Hux and Ren are kinky fuckers, M/M, Snark, but it's all a lie, ignorance is bliss and useful for cons, mpreg mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 17:51:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11903016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sermocinare/pseuds/Sermocinare
Summary: When Ren's antics land them in a tight situation, Hux makes up a bold-faced lie that might just save their lives.





	A Lack of Knowledge is a Wonderful Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a first-sentence prompt meme: “In my defense, I thought this would go a lot more smoothly.”

“In my defense, I thought this would go a lot more smoothly.” 

Hux rolled his eyes and gave a snort before hissing: „Really? And here I thought that getting dragged in front of their chieftain and threatened with execution via a pack of ravenous animals was all part of the plan.“

„How could I know that...“

„...throwing your weight around and threatening everyone in earshot wouldn't be looked upon kindly by these people? I don't know, maybe basic social skills?“

„Fuck you, Hux,“ Ren growled, which earned him a prod in the back with a blaster.

„Well that's not going to happen any more, is it,“ Hux snapped back. 

Apparently, their captors weren't fond of them bickering like that, seeing how the guard who was holding Hux's arm in his clawed grip was manhandling him away from Ren's side. Manhandling, or womanhandling, or however many genders these creatures had.

And then it hit him. Maybe, just maybe, this was their chance to get out of here, or at least to buy them enough time so that Phasma could arrive with ten battalions of Storm Troopers and blow this backwaters shithole to smithereens. 

They were shoved to their knees in front the chieftain, who was sitting on a large, ornate chair, and Hux didn't have to be an expert in xenobiology to see that the creature was fuming with anger. Its two pairs of eyes were narrowed at them, thin lips drawn back to reveal a set of sharp teeth.

“I have a plan,” Hux managed to whisper out of the side of his mouth. “Do me a favor and run with it, yes?”

Hopefully, Ren had enough of his wits about him to infer what Hux was attempting, and play along. 

Right. Time to put on his best pleading, frightened face. He should probably thank his dead bastard of a father for giving him enough memories to draw on to make it convincing. 

Before anyone else could say something, Hux addressed the creature in front of them, voice wavering as if on the edge of tears: “Please, oh great Chieftain, have mercy. My companion meant no disrespect, he simply let his emotions get away with him. Please! And,” here, he let his voice break, “if you cannot find mercy in your heart for us, then at least have mercy on our unborn child.”

Next to him, he could hear Ren let out a strangled choking noise. Come on, Ren, Hux pleaded silently, just play along...

And Ren did. His voice full of remorse, he looked at the chieftain from those big brown eyes that could make Hux do absolutely anything: “I know my behavior caused terrible offense, and we deserve whatever punishment you see fit for us. But I beg you, don't kill an innocent child for the transgressions of its parents!”

Now there was nothing left to do but hope that these creatures were as ignorant of human biology as Hux was of theirs. 

For a while, the chieftain seemed to be deliberating, looking from one to the other, claws clicking against the wood of its chair's armrests. Then, its previously rigid posture slackened a bit, the frills on the side of its head flapping once: “Let no one say we are a cruel people who punish the young for the crimes of their parents. I stay your death until your offspring has entered the world.” 

Hux silently let out the breath he had been holding. Now, hopefully, reinforcements would arrive before their little con blew up in their faces.

In the end, the only things that had blown up had been the dwellings and streets of the planet's capitol. Phasma, loyal as usual, had followed Hux's orders to the letter and come for them after three days of comm silence, and the creatures had paid the price for trying to execute two of the most important members of the First Order.

Still.

“Snoke won't be happy about this,” Hux said with a frown, looking at Ren from the corners of his eyes as they were sitting next to each other in the transport. “We were supposed to open diplomatic relations and get their support, not eradicate them.”

Ren made a non-commital noise: “At least we're not dead.”

“Yet.”

“I see you have your usual optimism back,” Ren said with a chuckle. “I've got to say, your little plan was brilliant. Risky, but brilliant.”

“That tends to be the case with my plans. The brilliant part.”

“Arrogant bastard.”

They sat in silence for a while, then, Ren closed the little distance that was between them, his lips almost touching Hux's ear: “I have to admit, the thought of you being pregnant with my child is somehow arousing, though.”

“Emperor's bones, Ren, you can't be serious!”

“Oh, but I am,” Ren purred, his hand coming to rest on Hux's knee before stroking up the inside of his thigh. “Just imagine it. You, your belly swollen with child, and everyone knows who put it there. Everyone knows you're mine, that their oh so cold, powerful General spreads his legs for me every night.”

Hux bit back a moan. Fuck that man. Which was exactly what he wanted to do right now. 

“Is that really something you fantasize about? Pervert.”

“Pot, Kettle,” Ren said, and Hux could hear the grin in his voice. “Meet me in my rooms later. Then we'll see which one of us is more perverted.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Possibly...”


End file.
